1. Not ALL people are the same
There is not always a hidden agenda with the people you are close to. Not everyone close to you is trying to get something from you. When you grow up with someone who only shows you any sort of affection because it benefits them or their image, you forget that there are people out there that are willing to show you true and honest love.
2. How to cut them out
Learning to put yourself first is VERY difficult when your parent is a narcissist. However, believe it or not, you are allowed to cut them out of your life. Especially, if you cannot set or make healthy limits for them in order to keep your sanity intact. Overall, you need to remember that you do not owe them anything. No One deserves to be treated like a narcissist personal ego bank.
3. It is okay to be happy without them
Your parent only knows manipulation in order to make themselves happy, one way or another. If contact is alive or consistent with them in some form, they will try to reel you back when they have no one else to use. A narcissist is desperate and will do whatever is necessary to get you back in their web. DO NOT feel sorry for them! They will not feel sorry for you once they get what they wanted, and you are left out to dry in the aftermath. It is okay to feel good or relieved about ignoring their calls, texts, or severing any other forms of communication with them.
4. To love yourself
You are not as useless and insignificant as you parent has made you feel. You are strong and have been stripped of most, if not, all of your dignity at no fault of your own. You deserve to see yourself through your own unclouded eyes, and not the eyes of your abuser. Do not give them the power and satisfaction of making you feel the way they want you to!
5. It is okay to love someone
It is okay to feel real love for someone. It is even okay for you to feel real love for your parent. After all, they are your parent, and what they have offered as love and affection throughout all these years, is what we are lead to believe is genuine. Just remember, what they showed you was NOT love. Do not “love” others the way that your parent “loved” you. Love others better than that. You know more than anyone, that no one deserves to be “loved” the way a narcissist “loves”.
6. It is okay to seek help
Talking to someone is not a bad thing or a set-back to moving on with your life. You deserve to have someone to confide in, even if it is just a friend, spouse, or therapist – Hell! Talk to your cat if it helps! – Talking about what you have been through is very beneficial when healing the old wounds of your past in order to move forward. You owe it to yourself and those that love you to be okay and do whatever is necessary to find your happiness!